Spontaneous
by NorthernShinigami
Summary: Decieded to add any little pointless short ideas I get instead starting new story. Newest chapter: BLEACH CHATROOM! a pretty long one. Hy, no drabble's fabfic complete without its own chatroom, right ?xD
1. Kuchiki elder's death the REAL story

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Bleach. Tito Kubo does.

**Starring:**Renji, Yoruichi, Soi-Fong and Omaeda. With byaku-boy and Rukia in the backround.

I can't believe it turned out to be with more than 1,000 words...

* * *

"Soi-Fong Taichou! Yoruichi-san! Omaeda?! What are you doing here?! you know what, never mind that! Go away immediately!"

"How you dare speaking like that to Yoruichi-sama, Abarai?! give me a reason not to vaporize with Suzumebachi you right here and now!"

"Shouldn't it be 'how dare you speaking like that to your suppiriors' rather that 'Yoruichi-sama'-Awawaw...ow, my poor-..."

"...That must have hurt- but that's not the point! Please guys-err; girls! go away, before it'll turn worse!"

"Relax, Soi-Fong, put your sword away. You too, Renji. _Chill_. What will turn worse? I just came to visit Byaku-boy in his mansion and Soi-Fong decided to accompany me. Now where is little Byaku-boyya?~"

"DON'T GO THERE! It's a Kuchiki's killing-spree in there!"

"--Awwaww aww..."

"Hmm, so the Kuchiki clan's elders get on his nerves again? like always. So what did they do this time?"

"--Awwaw..."

"Luckily, that's only what they _tried _to do- 'cause honestly, I swear; if it was to work out for them I would have been in there too- but it's not the point! It's not only Kuchiki-taichou! Rukia's it there too!"

"So Kuchiki is mad on his little sister? that's rare. Usually his quite overprotective of her..."

"--Awwaww..."

"Yes. No! Rukia is mad!"

"...On Byakuya?"

"No! on the elders!"

"--Awww..."

"Wait. So Kuchiki is mad on the elders."

"YES!"

"--Aww..haa..yes, that's much better..."

"Wait, Soi-Fong. which Kuchiki?"

--CRUSH--

"Ho?! don't ask me, Yoruichi-sama. I Know nothing! ask him!"

"Ahh, you're right. Renji! Which one? -hey, Renji! Where are you looking? look at me!"

"I think he's staring at the building that has just collapsed- AWW awwawaww---!!! Why did you do that, captai- AWW OWWW!!!"

"RENJI!"

"WHAT?!"

"--Aww aww aww..."

"WHICH ONE?!"

"WHICH WHAT?!"

"--Aww aww...."

"Which Kuchiki is mad on the elders?!"

"--Aww aww..."

"... ... BOTH GODDAMMIT!"

"Really? Rukia too? Why?"

"--Awww awww awww..."

"... ... ...*Slap* NOW you ask?!"

"YES! ... ...so why~?"

"--Aw aw aww...."

"...The elders tried to organize an arrange marriage."

"... That's all? It's not the first time; why get so mad about -wait, you mean they actually tried to marry _Rukia_?... *Sigh* those Idiots..."

"--Aw aw aww..."

"..."

"... So it's Byakuya after all?"

"... Both."

"--Aw aw aww..."

"... At the same time? Seriously?...like I said; Idiots."

"..."

"..."

"--Aww aww aww..."

"..."

"..."

"...I think you hit him to hard this time, Soi-Fong."

"He deserved it, Yoruichi-sama."

"...Good point."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"--Aww aww aw..."

--Crush-Boom-crush--scream--BOOM--CRUSH--

"..."

"--Aww aww aww..."

"Ahh..hell knows no fury like Kuchiki..."

"...They...wanted Rukia to marry _Omaeda_..."

--Crush--boom--

"..."

"..."

"--Aw aw a-WHAT?!!"

"But...You can see that it won't work now *cough*..."

"... Omaeda?"

"'Omaeda-fukutaichou' they said. Yes."

"... ... A marriage. To Kuchiki Rukia...O. M. A. E. D. A."

"_Y. E. S!_"

"... ... ..._BUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!_"

"Wow, Soi-fongs-Taichou exploded! she's actually laughing!"

"No kidding! Hurry up, Renji! bring me a camera! this is a chance of a life time and I don't want to miss even a second of it!"

"--HAHAHA -_Omaeda?! _HAHAHA _-seriously_?! HAHAHA-No wander Kuchiki's so mad! HAHAHAHA!!!"

"Taichou! stop laughing! it's not funny! it's serious!! I'm to young to marry!"

"--HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! -That's good-HAHAHA!!! Kuchiki and _Omaeda--_HAHAHA--"

"Like I said: I.D.I.O.T.S. So, Renji...who was supposed to be Byakuya's bride?"

"..."

"--HAHAHA--*deep breath*--BUHAHAHAHAHAHAAA--"

"--Marry?! I don't want to marry now! besides, there's no bride out there that's good enough for the great Omaeda Marechiyo! I need a beautiful lovely loving wife who would---"

"Well? Who is it, Renji~? sure she must be worthy of our little Byaku-boyya~!!! *chuckles*"

"...and give me a loving massage every evening when I come back exhausted and tired from work and kiss---"

"--HAHAHA -yeah! just like _Omaeda_ is worthy of a _Kuchiki_!!!--- HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!--"

"...You."

"...and when we're finally cuddling together in a stormy cold night she must--"

"... Come again?"

"YOU! THE ELDERS WANTED TAICHO TO MARRY YOU, YORUICHI-SAN!!!"

"--BUHAHAHAHA--...HA *blink blink*... -haha...ha?..."

"Seriously?... personally, he's too young to me..."

"...and after she rubs my feet she-- ahh? *blink*... Kuchiki-Taichou and Shihouin Yoruichi? *blink*...ho... ... ...BUHAHAHAHA!HAHAHA-"

"... ... ..."

"Omaeda, you idiot! Stop laughing! do you want to WAIT SOI-FONG-TAICHOU!-- What the-- a missile?!---"

"--HAHA--HA?! HO SHIT!! NOO!! PLEASE DON'T, TAICHOU--HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!---"

---BOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM---....

"WHA-... w-what the hell was that?!"

"Soi-fong's Bankai! awesome, right?!"

"Ahh....Hey, where's Omaeda?"

"Right there. *Points finger*"

"... Where? There's nothing but dirt and Ashes- wait, I see his golden necklace... She..she vaporized him!!"

"I see that, Renji. I guess she has finally lost it, then."

"You _guess_?..."

"She didn't _had _to go Bankai to finish, though... His laughter was annoying but still..."

"...Are you serious? You don't know?"

"Don't know what?"

"... Never mind. Let's just say It could have been for the drama-effect too. You know, like Kuchiki-Taichou would release Senbonzakura's Shikai just to kick my ass to the next week- sorry, I ment Bankai."

"HO! You're right! ... So...Where did she go anyway?"

"Who?"

"Soi-fong."

"... ... ... ONG SHE WENT INSIDE THE MANSION!"

"Ho yeah, Now that you said it, I think I saw her stepping inside through all the smoke... so, are you coming too or not?"

"-The hell are talking about? can't you hear the screams and yells and_ it's a freaking massacre in there!!!"_

"...Renji. Look at me."

"I'm looking!"

"Look me in the eye!"

"Ok...?"

"Good. now listen to me very VERY carefully."

"...Ok?...."

"The Kuchiki clan's elders want to marry Rukia."

"I know that!"

"To Omaeda."

"... I. Know. That."

"...No you don't. Iisten to what I'm saying!"

"Yoruichi-san! I listening! I can hear you perfectly well-"

"The. Kuchiki. clan's. Elders. want. To. MARRY. RUKIA. To. O. MA. E. DA!!!"

"...They want Rukia to marry Omaeda."

"YES!"

"..."

"..."

"... ..."

"... ..."

"... ... ... Well, the hell are you waiting for?! Zabimaru aches for blood and so am I! cover for me, I'm going in!"

" *Sigh* FINALLY! That's my boy!*grin*"

"Ahh, no wait. There's something I must do before that..."

"And That is?"

"I need to call Ichigo...you know *cough*, just in case one of the elders is a crazy powerful lunatic or something..."

"...SUURRE. Of course, Renji. Ho, and in case you have forgotten these are NOBLES we're talking about."

".. Ahh, yeah."

"..."

"..."

"...Just do it quickly, or you'll have nothing left to murde-I mean; no-one to teach them a lesson."

"I'll be back before you know it!"

--CRUSHES--BOOM--SHRIEK--BOOM--BATTLE-CRY--

"..In second thought, I'll just use a Hell-Butterfly instead."

* * *

Review?


	2. Ishida's possible death the REAL story

**Disclaimer**: I don't own bleach.

you know, if there's one word I learned to spell properly very quickly it's the world DISCLAIMER.

Renji, rukia, Ichigo, Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Ishisa and Orihime. and Chado. tell me why I'm doing this again?..I have bigger stories to work on *groans*

* * *

"Your pregnant?! that's wonderful! congratulations; Ishida, Inoue!"

"You're going to have a baby."

"Thank you, Kuchiki-san, Sado-kun. We know! isn't it amazing?!"

"It is! So is it a girl or boy?"

"Ohh, we don't know yet, Kurosaki-kun. but I'm going to start making clothes right now!"

"There's no need, Orihime. leave it to me! I, The great Matsumoto Rangiku will help you make the all preparations for the baby~!"

"-And skip work for that..."

"After all, don't forget I already have motherly experience from of dealing two babies~! *wink*"

"Matsumoto, I'm sure- HEY! I'm not a baby!- wait, two?"

"Since when do YOU have a baby, Rangiku-san?!"

"I meant Gin, you stupid pineapple-head! -god, he became so troublesome when he got older..he wasn't that childish when we were kids!"

"That's because he wasn't associated with Kusajishi when you were kids..."

"AH! you're right, Taichou."

"Ishida...are you going too move to her house from now on?"

"Of course! after all I did proposed a week ago... and Orihime needs to be taken care of, specially now, that she's pregnant."

"HA! Uryu-kun, I forgot to tell you; Tatsuki is moving in!"

"What?! why?!"

"I'm not sure... but she said something about safety...after you proposed."

"...You mean she was worried you would do something rash and spontaneous, and decided you wouldn't be able to do so when she's around. Too bad it's too late now."

"Wow, you really smart, Toshiro-kun! but..what were we supposed to do?..wait, who's 'we'?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...What? don't look at me! these magazines were hers!"

"...Rangiku-san, I told you not to leave the magazines you borrowed from me in the Division's captain's office."

"But-...I've hiden them right where my Sake is!"

"You mean under the sofa."

"...Orihime! let's go shopping for the baby!"

"Ahh? already? b-but-whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

"...They're gone..."

"That's good."

"why?"

"..."

"Ichigo? are you ok? you look pale."

"Maybe he's jealous! after all, Inoue and Ishida are going to live together all alone~!"

"...Jealous."

"Yup!"

"...ho..Kurosaki is jealous of me?..well, that's first...*smirk*"

"...Jealous?...JEALOUS?!"

"...I think he lost it."

"I think you're right, Kuchiki."

"Wha-..guys! don't you understand what it means?!"

"Means what, Kurosaki?"

"Toshiro! you're the smart one! tell them!"

"...Tell what?"

"...Inoue's pregnant."

"...We know that, Ichigo."

"And Ishida is going to live with her."

"Yes, Kurosaki, deal with it!"

"Live with her, EAT the same food as her..."

"...Oh, boy..."

"What's the matter, Rukia?"

"I think I get it, Ichigo."

"SEE?!"

"Well, see what?!"

"...Ishida...did you know that...pregnant women has...unusual taste of cooking?"

"So? Inoue already has...ho."

"... ... ...God have mercy on me PLEASE!"


	3. Door: Bald Pineapple

...CRACK. PURE AWFUL CRACK. And cursing. A LOT. I know it's awful- but the idea came to me while watching something a bout a police guy that woke up to find his door missing xD..and well, it's pretty much pointless that's why it's published here~

* * *

"OH YEAH. That's like it! no one to boss you around-"

"No one to jump at you-"

"No more cunning shop-keeper to play evil tricks at you-"

"No more ridiculously crazy woman to stick to you like a leech-"

"No more Urahara to blackmail you-"

"No Yumichika to stick wig to your head-"

"No-WHAT????"

"Don't go there. Trust me."

"...Ho, ok...anyway...: No more sharing rooms with two annoying brats- no; make it three: I so want to just grab that chicken and grill her on the spot-"

"Finally. After MONTHS. OUR. OWN. APARTMENT! I'm so happy I'm gonna do my lucky dance~! luck luck luck~ luck luck luckkkk~ LUCKKK-GHA! DAMMIT! NOT AGAIN! How did you three got here?! ABARAI, YOU DICKHEAD! DIDN'T YOU LOCK THE DOOR AND THE WINDOWS?!"

"Don't blame me! I've locked it all the moment I stepped in!"

"Ho yeah?! So how the F**** Matsumoto, Ichigo and Yumichika got inside?"

"Ahm...guys, we still here, you know..."

"How the hell should I know, Ikkaku-san?! the keys still with me!"

"Don't ignore me dammit!"

"Give it up, Ichigo-kun; they don't hear you. Besides, you just wait till they find out [chuckles]"

"Yes, that would be indeed very amusing."

"And YOU DON'T YOU LAUGH HERE! TELL ME HOW DID YOU GET INSIDE MY SACRED TEMPLE OF PEACEFULNESS?!"

"Don't yell at my ear, Ikkaku! isn't it obvious? we came through the entrance!"

"BUT THE DOOR WAS LOCKED!"

"[Smirk] What door?"

"[Glare] What do you mean 'what door', Ichigo? the entrance door of course, you dumphead."

"Who are you calling dumphead?! there ain't NO DOOR, you dipshit pineapple-head!"

"What, are you BLIND or something?! of course there's a door why there wouldn't be a d-WHAT THE----?!"

"... ... ...---WHERE'S OUR DOOR, ABARAI?!!! WHERE THE F**** IS OUR DOOR?!"

"IKKAKU-SAN! THEY'VE STOLEN OUR DOOR! OUR VERY OWN **DOOOOOOOOOOOOOR**!!!"

"I CAN SEE THAT DAMMIT!"

....

....

....

[half an our later.]

"[sigh]...door....[sob]...our little precious door..."

"[Sob] Don't worry, Abarai, we'll find who did this and They'll PAY!"

"This is ridiculous. I'm going home. Come one, Ichigo-san."

"Already leaving, Yumichika? I though you wanted to take that on camera."

"Well, that's why I have you, my beautiful Rangiku-san~. SOOOO...**Did** you take everything?!"

"Of course~!"

"Yumichika, you bastard! you know what?! go! GO AWAY you traitor! go you stay with that crazy woman! See?! I'm even laughing at you! MUHAHAHA!!!"

"[flickers hair] don't be funny, Ikkaku. Of course I won't be staying with Asano Mizuho- ho, sorry, I meant **Madarame** Mizuho~ your future WIFE."

"Why you---"

"I'm staying with Ichigo-kun. *-{flickers hair and smiles brightly}-*"

"....WHAT?!"

"WHY?! HE DIDN'T EVEN LET _ME _STAY IN HIS HOUSE SO WHY_ YOU_?!"

"Simply. Because...unlike YOU guys... ... ...I....AM....[Dramatic silence]....[drums]....civilized."

"..."

"..."

"That's all for it. See ya~!"

----

"Operation Bald Pineapple complete! Now to the next scene~ wait, who shall I go first, CatBat or Taichou and Hime?...Ahh...speaking of Hitsuhaya-Taichou and Orinime-chan, since Taichou and me are staying at her apartment, Taichou's door is Orihime-chan's door..but what shall I name it?...let's see, what they both have in common?...hmm..."

----

"DARLING~!!!!!!!!"

"!!!!"

"...Darling?! Are you here?! DARLING?! Where's my Darling- hey you, PINEAPPLE HEAD! Where's my darling?!"

"... ... ... Out of the window."

"Ho....but, isn't this the ninth floor or something?"

"[shrugs]"

"...Oh well. He has a tough head on his shoulder. It's like a polished shining rock. He'll survive."

"...[snores]"

* * *

Well? xD names and groups please~! I'm seriously thinking of doing one to Rukia's closet in Ichigo's room...


	4. DOOR: Boobs Fairy?

Very short, but the next is longer.

* * *

"...Inoue."

"Yes, Toshiro-kun?"

"Where's the houses front door?"

"The Boobs fairy took it!"

"...Excuse me?"

"The Boobs fairy, Toshiru-kun, the _Boobs Fairy_!"

"...The Boobs Fairy."

"Yes! at first I thought it was the Tooth Fairy, but then I saw what huge boobs she had, so I immediately knew she was the Boobs Fairy~!"

"...The BOOBS Fairy."

"Yup! She also had a Camera! she said she's going around people's houses taking bed doors and replaces them with...ah...I forgot with what..."

"That's probably because she didn't said she replaces them..."

"Ahh?"

"Never mind. Say, Inoue..."

"Yes, Toshiro-kun?"

"Did this Fairy had a long, wavy orange hair?"

"Ho, you met her too, Toshiro-kun? That's wonderful!"

"... ... ...Yes, it is INDEED wonderful, is it? and you know what, I'm going to see her right NOW, and I'm sure she'll like if I'll bring some_ ice-cream _with me too, don't cha think?"

"Ho, yes, Toshiro-kun, that will be absolutly lovely~! I'm sure you'll get along just fine!"

"Yes, yes we will...I assure you we_ will_..."

"Bye bye, Toshiro-kun!...hmm? why the walls are suddenly frozen?"

* * *

I've been getting messages about this pointless 'stories' getting alerts and Favorites, but please DO review, Ok?


	5. DOOR: CatBat

**Warnings:** Cursing, **LANGUAGE... **kinda** M RATED **":D....- well, it's **Grimmjow and Nnoitora **people. (And Ulquiorra and Hitsugaya and Matsumoto..and Szayel, in a way.

* * *

"..."

"..."

"... So..."

"...So...?"

"The door."

"What door?"

"Don't you act clueless on me, Sexta."

"What?"

"... So you ARE clueless after all."

"...Che. Whatever. If you have nothing important to say then f*** off and stop bothering me."

"...Fine."

"...Fine?"

"What I have to say is indeed important, but if you want me to 'f*** off'...I'm more then willing to try..."

"WAIT WAIT WAIT! don't you DARE getting anywhere near me! GET AWAY! Don't get closer you here me?! Wha-WHAT DO YOU WANT?! FINE- I'LL LISTEN JUST- just _step away- slowly---....more_..-MORE I SAD! DO YOU HERE ME?! ---now--what do you want?--there's no need to do something you'll regret later--"

"Ho? So_ I _will regret about it later? are you so willing to do that that _you_ won't regret about it later?"

"-That's NOT what I meant!---"

"What did you meant then? Hey guys, what'ya doing?"

"Nnoitora!---what do you want-"

"Grimmjow just unconsciously asked me to make love to him."

"..."

"..."

"Wow."

"NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I'VE SAID!"

"Actually, Quatro just said 'unconsciously' so that means you don't realize you've said it-"

"And how the hell do YOU know what I've said or not?!"

"Dude, I'm forced to share _living _space with that pink-haired freakshow. I can't continue ignoring him forever you know, even the great Nnoitora-sama has his freaking limits."

"Ho, yeah, I forget you're living with Szayel-But that's not the point! I. AM. NOT. IN-LOVE. WITH. ULQUIORRA!!!. NO. WAY. IN. **HELLLLL!!!"**

"...You're in-love with Ulquiorra?! DUDE, that's HUGE!"

"NO! I SAID I _WASN'T _IN-LOVE WITH HIM DAMMIT!"

"HAHAHA!"

"You need to read More, Sexta. It'll increase you're intellectual."

"Let him switch places withmeso he'll live with Szayel, that'll work faster."

"...For the first time EVER, you actually have a pretty good idea..."

"[Grin] Thanks! -HEY, that's mean!"

"Ok. That's enough! I wasn't sure about it earlier when you said you wanted to 'explore Human'sfeelings' and shit, specially that part about the Humor, 'cause let's be frank; that's YOU. YOU do NOT tell _JOKES_. But now I see that you can be funny, OK? point's proven. ENOUGH with the funny crap! there's_ no way_I'm living with Szayel Appolo!"

"...HO."

"[Whistle]"

"...What?!"

"So, you don't think that Quatro wasjoking about that 'make love' thingy but you think that he's joking about you moving to live with Szayel? Haha-Wait! 'Make love'?!---dude, Sexta! he's just said' Make Love'!!!"

"Yeah. so?"

"...So he said 'Make-LOVE' instead of SEX!"

"SO?!"

"SO _HE_ has a CRASH on_ YOU_!"

"...WHAT?!"

"Of COURSE I DO NOT have a CRASH on Sexta. Don't be ridiculous, Nnoitora. Hmm...it seems Szayel has more effect on you than I thought..."

"Really? how? I mean, I see he became somehow smarter and all but..."

"HO NO YOU DON'T! He's trying to change the subject, Sexta! don't fall for that! and he emphasize the ward DO NOT and CRASH, so it's not a crash, it's LOVE! HA! TAKE THAT!"

"See? He can tell what I'm trying to do. Plus; he became an expert in love affairs. Szayel made him a WOMAN."

"..."

"...I'm. NO. WOMAN! WHY EVERYONE ASSUME I'M A_ WOMAN_?! SO WHAT IF I HAVE LONG HAIR?! SO WHAT IF I WALK ON HIGH HEELS?! SO WHAT IF IT LOOKS LIKE I'M ON A SHOPPING-TRIP WITH THAT PINK-HAIRED BITCH WHEN PEOPLE LOOKS AT OUR BACKS?! SO WHAT?! I'M NOR A WOMAN GODDAMMIT!!!!!"

"...Ok, Aside from that being _totally _hilarious; Ulquiorra- you do realize that you just _totally _admitted that you ARE in-love with me, right?"

"...Shoot."

"Che. Seems like living with me has YOUR intellectual decrease."

" [Sigh]...I'm moving to Szayel. Nnoitora, you live here."

"NO WAY! You're MY BITCH!" --[At the same time]-- "NO WAY! he's MY BITCH!"

"..."

"...SZAYEL?!"

"OH, Shut up! You're with Ulquiorra, your'e not one to talk!"

"Dude, at least Ulquiorra's HOT, but SZAYEL?!"

"Hey, he's not_ that_ bad!"

"Really? So how was the Sex part, Ha?! or you didn't do anything yet 'cause you're dead-afraid of his freakness?!"

"...I'm affreid of no one!"

"...[Snore] knew it!"

"W-well, you didn't do anything either!"

"Ho, come ON! we only discovered this now! first there's this dating shit and flowers and romantic evening- not to mention our very first kiss-"

"Who's the woman NOW?"

"OI! at least I'm considerate of my boyfriend's needs-"

"(Ulquiorra frowns)_** 'Boyfriend'?"**_

"You now he can be a little dense about feelings-"

"A LITTLE?"

"Besides, I bet his sexual education is ZERO-"

"Actually, it is not, I can assure you that."

"... ... ... How...exactly?"

"... ... ... Grimmjow, what exactly you thought I'll do to you when you were yelling to me to step away just before Nnoitora showed up?"

"...I thought you were...going... to Cero my ass to the moon?..."

"...Ok. ... So What EXACTLY you all thought I was doing in Azien's quarters all those nights?"

"..."

"..."

"[sigh] Idiots..."

"..."

"..."

"And by the way; Nnoitora, you have no idea what you're missing when you don't sleep with Szayel Appollo, just so you know."

"What do you mean by that? Why did I miss?!"

"...So THAT'S how ya figured I was scared of him-"

"Didn't you said you wasn't scared of ANYTHING?"

"S-SHUT UP!- so what AM I missing?"

"Now YOU'RE changing the subject..."

"...That's a secret. But I can promise you, Grimmjow, you'll find out...soon."

"Really?! That means we can skip all this dating-first crap?!"

"Of course **not**. I was being sarcastic, you idiot. Dating would be nice to pass the time."

"[Frown] What do'ya 'pass the time'?"

"Do you really think I would do something like having sex where anyone can see me? unlike you I have self-respect and not shameless like you two."

"...The windows has curtains, no one could see us in the bedroom...shish, Ulqi'. You've _really_ turned stupid because of me [grins]."

"He really did, did he? [lol]"

"[Annoyed sigh] Let me ask _you_a question, Nnoitora."

"Yeah?"

"How did you get in?"

"...Through the entrance door?"

"[stares] There's no door."

"[both] ha?"

"[lost patience] There's No door. The door is GONE. There. IS. NO. DOOR, YOU IDIOTS."

"Yo, Sexta."

"yeah?"

"I think that NOW he's gonna Cero our asses."

"...let's run?"

"yup."

"I'm still here, you know. And If I am to Cero your asses the door won't be the only thing that will need to be replaced. This apartment is completely new, destroying it would only bring me an headache."

"Ahh, good point- OI, it's a Shinigami-Forbidden zone! What'd ya want, you midget?"

"Call me that again, _Kitty-cat_, and your ass will be more than just Cero-ed and frozen to the other side of the moon. I'm here about you're door."

"KITTY-CAT?! Wait-YOU'RE the one who took my door?!"

"Don't be stupid, why would I do something as childish as that? I'm looking for my...[gritting teeth and breathing deeply] deer **DEER ****_Lieutenant ..._**it seems she's going from place to place, snatching doors and taking the reactions of the tenants on camera...apparently she thinks it's... _amusing _[eyebrow twitching rapidly]..."

"... ... ...Seriously man?! that's hilarious! HAHAHA-HEY, MY ASS FROZE!"

"Shut it, spoon-head."

"SPOON-HEAD?!"

"Someone's in bad mood..."

"So can I get my door back? Ulqi' wouldn't have any se-....I mean, any experience in shared bed unless the main door is in place."

"..."

"What?"

"OK, first: I'm NOT a kid. Second: with Matsumotoaround me you don't really think I'm THAT Innocent, right? third: just f*** in the shower and done with it."

"[Grimmjow: Stare] the brat really IS in bad mood..."

"[Nnoitora: Gape and stare] You THINK?!"

"[Ulquiorra:] That's not such a bad idea actually..."

"[Grimmjow: NOW gape. And stare]..."

"[Ulquiorra: Points] She's right there, in the closet."

"Thanks [walks to the closet]"

"...Wait; you're the brat that fought Halibel, right? so that Matsumoto is..."

"The strawberry-bloned womanwith the huge--- yeah, that's her."

"[Snores] Well, that explains everything."

"[opens closet-]---!!!"

[BOOOOOMMMM]

---

[Five minutes later]

"Wh-what the HELL just happen?!"

"Smoke screen. Why that Annoying woman!!!---just WAIT till I get to her---![disappears with a Shunpo]"

"... I didn't it's possible to Shunpo in a Gigai... I wonder if I can Sonido like that..."

"..."

"... [sigh]...So Quarto not as_...innocent _as you thought. Just drop it, Sexta. Yo- can you here me?--Helloooooooo, anybody home? [snaps fingers]"

"...Yo, Ulquiorra."

"Yeah?"

"You said you didn't want to be embarrassed..."

"...Not actually said, but yes, you are correct."

"...And you knew that woman was there, listening to every word-"

"Yes."

"With a CAMERA."

"Yes?"

"SO WHY THE F**** DIDN'T YOU KICKED HER SKIN---FAT ASS OUT OR SOMETHING?!"

"...You silly Grimmjow. I'm dense, didn't You said so yourself?"

"...[Face-palm]"

---

"Fuue! that was close! Taichou almost caught me. Well, at least I have some good material--- W-WHERE'S THE CAMERA?!"

---

[An hour later]

"[whines] Ahaha! I can't believe I forgot the camera here..good thing they've gone to get a new door...ah! it still works! let's see what we have here..."

[five minutes later]

"WHO'S A FAT ASS?! I'M SO GONNA SNAP THAT BITCH'S ***** WHEN I GET HIM!"

* * *

But that won't happen anytime soon.


	6. 396 397 Script plus Additionals

I was wondering what would be the reactions of the others to that..if anyone wants to write something similar, I'll be more than glad to read :D

Cast: Hisagi, Kira, Hinamori, Hitsugaya, Masumoto, Ichimaru, Aizen, Renji, Rukia, Ichigo, Byakuya, Kenpachi and Yachiru mentioned. Tito kubo (in mind lol), Halibel (mentioned)

* * *

"Ichigo! I finally have the script for chapters 396 and 397! read it quickly, we're on air in five minutes."

"Right. You tell ME to hurry you haven't read it yourself yet."

"That's because the only ones on air this chapter is you and Aizen-san. The rest of us are dead or something."

"Actually, Hisagi-san, we're not dead. just badly injured, and you ; Abarai-kun, is in Hoeco-Mundo with Kuchiki-san. You two don't have to be here, you know."

"...Actually, you're right, Kira, we don't have to be here today....come on, Rukia! if we have a day off there's a movie I want to watch! Are you coming too, guys?"

"Ahm."

"Sorry; guys and girls- just for you, Rangiku-san."

"And I'm not a woman?!"

"*sigh* yeah, sure, you too, Hinamori, whatever! so, are you coming?"

"Of course!"

"Actually, I highly recommend you to stay a bit, Renji."

"....What are you planing now, Rukia?---err...why are you staring at Ichigo like that? and why are you smirking?"

"You'll see. By the way, Ichigo?"

"That can't be good..."

"I suggest you to put away that drink."

" *suspicious stare* why?"

"...Just read the damn scrip!"

"And saying that she's still smiling..."

" *looks at Rukia suspiciously, then sips from his cup and reads the script.* "

"..Well? what should we see?"

"Wait for it."

"... .... .... "

"Err...Ichigo? you look pale all of a sudden ...and why do you flip the pages over and over again?"

" *grins widely* Tito Kubo sure is genius, isn't he?"

"... ... ... *spits drink and drops Jew as the cup shutters on the floor*_** WHAT THE F*****?!"**_

*Everyone jump in surprise and stare at him*

"What? What's wrong?! What it's said?!"

"I see that Kurosaki-kun has already read the new scripts."

"Really? what made ya think so?"

"Ah, Hello Aizen-san, Ichimaru. So what's with those scripts?"

"Hello to you too, Abarai-kun. Why don't you read it and find out yourself? *hands his script over to Renji*"

"HO, COME ON! this is just SO...SOO...._What the **hell**?!"_

" *Aizen smiles with glitters* 'So' _epic_? I knew I was genius, but never thought it would come to this level~"

"-I mean it's so CLICHE dammit! first you're like a freaking superman with the hair and glasses and now---- now this?!"

"...This. IS. ONE. bi---HUGE Bullshit."

"See?! even Renji agrees!"

"I mean, COME ON- why go through all of it just to have Ichigo as your wife?! Can't you just take him here and now?"

"..."

"...Abarai-kun, what EXACTLY the scripts says?"

"...Well, not specifically that thing about the wife, but it sounds like---...well---...-read yourself! *hands script over to the others.*"

*After five minutes*

"W-well...that part about: 'once I realized that you were the very thing I'd been searching for I decided to help you grow' does sound a bit...err..."

"...Actually, I don't mind talking such a..._cute persistent wife_...I would have a good time _educating you_..."

" *back away slowly* "

"...Kurosaki, I hope it doesn't mean that you're Aizen's...err...son..."

"---Ho, GOD NO!--- at least I hope not..."

"If he is, that means that I'm Kurosaki-kun's biological mother?"

"...No, Hinamori, your'e NOT his mother."

" *Sigh* Awo, that's too bad..."

"Actually, there' 'n additional page to the script! *hand's page over to Hitsugaya*"

"Gin, don't do that. It'll absolutly kill him."

"Hmm...you're right, Aizen-Taichou, it's probably too much for our little Shiro-chan to bear~-"

" *Grabs page from Ichimari and reads it- and suddenly letting out an horrified shriek, throws page and backs away* NO. WAY. IN. HELL!"

"Ahh, but it'll explain _SO MUCH_~"

"Forget it! I'm definitely _NOT YOUR SON _AND** SURE AS HELL **_NOT _PLAYING A ONE!"

"Gin."

"Come on now, Ran-chan, we'll have to tell him the truth sometime."

"..."

" ..Gin, stop harassing him. I know_ I _can go by with harassing him myself but something like thi-...o, look what you've done now! he fainted!"

"...Ho my, seems to me it was indeed to much for him- hmm? what's this? there's another additional page...it's about the original script of Kurosaki-kun...ahh..ho_ MY_..."

"What?! *flips pages to the other addition...and faints*"

" *Hinamori picks up the script Ichigo dropped*...AH! I _AM _his biological mother! that means I'm Aizen-Taichou's wife! that's SO wonderful! *flips pages* Ho, and guess what?! Kuchiki-Taichou is Yachiru-chan's mother!"

"Ni-sama!?"

"Taichou!?"

"Ni-sama- Ni-sama! is that true?! Ni-sa------h-he fainted!..."

"...---Zaraki-Taichou! please tell me it's not-...Wha---Zaraki-Taichou fainted too!"

"...Gin!"

"*Shakes head* it wasn't me this time, Rangiku, I swear!"

"...Aizen, I REALLY think you went WAY too far this time."

"Please, Matsumoto-san, don't tell me it wasn't completely hilarious."

"...Ho, OK, you're right, it WAS! but making him think I'M his _mother, Gin? _PSHHH! please! I'm not _that _old!"

"Actually, I was thinking between ya and Halibel, but she couldn't come today and...well ta be frank, both of you being his mothers doesn't really suit, if ya really think about that."

"Really? even though we have the same eyes? why so?"

" 'CAUSE........his body doesn't grow, he's a shrimp. And ya and halibel have definitely grown...AHM..._something_.

* * *

...Ichigo's reaction was EXACTLY like mine LOL xDDD b*sigh* Tito Kubo never stops surprisin as, is he? LOL he reaches Clamp's level O_O


	7. Chatnames, beauty, eyes andbitches?

**Warning:** a LOT of cursing.

* * *

(KittyKing has signed in)

(SpoonQueen has signed in)

(SaberTooth has signed in)

(WorldGorgeousSparkle has signed in)

(BloodySpear has sign in)

(BlindJustice has signed in)

(BaldScreamingBALDY! has signed in)

(ShiroChan has signed in)

**KittyKing**: ... Nnoitora, but who're the hell are the others?

**SpoonQueen**: How d'ya know it's me?

**KittyKing:** Wild guess... you'r name, dumbass.

**SpoonQueen**: yar one to tolk, _Kitty-ket _---THE FUCK? Who messed with my name? So yaeh, I get the spoon thing but _QUEEN_? DO I LOOK LAK A FUCKING WOMAN?

**KittyKing**: _*just noticed his own name*_ the minute I'l found out who did this---

**ShiroChan**: Ichimaru.

**KittyKing**: And ya're who?

**ShiroChan**: Captain on the Tenth Squad of the Gotei Thirteen, Hitsugaya Toshiro.

**KittyKing**: ...THE FUCK? O_o

**SpoonQueen**: THE FUCK? O_o

**SaberTooth**: THE FUCK? O_o

**WorldGorgeousSparkle**: Ho my, it seems we have a Shinigami in the Las-Noches's network. And please do not curse, it's so unbeautiful.

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: God, you have a Yumichika too?

**BlindJustice**: You don't say. I asuume you're... Madareme Ikkaku, third seat of of Zaraki. Funny, I was sure the rumors said you hate being called bald.

(PinkyPrincess has signed in)

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: I DO! the whole fucking reason I'm even in this chatroom is because SOME asshole broke into Seireitei's net and messed half of the chat-names! -Shit, it's not Kusajishi-Fukotaichou, right?

**SpoonQueen**: YOYOYO! king's still in tha house, pepol! don't forget it's OUR chatroom, Shinigami! and my name's messed up too. hey, what did ya said about who did tha' again ShiroCHAN?

**ShiroChan**: It's Hitsugaya dammit! I swear I'm gonna rip your throat if you don't fix NOW it Ichimaru!

**KittyKing**: First Nnoitora, you're the QUEEN not KING. I'm the KING YO! Second: What the fuck's with half of the people here who don't speak? I'm sure blindJustice is Tosen but who the hell's PinkyPink, BloodySpear, SaberTooth and .... ... ... Shit, I think I know who's WorldGorgeousSaprkle.

**SaberTooth**: I'm Ggio Vega! a proud Fraccion of the greatest and strongest king of Hueco-Mundo, Segunda Espada Barragan Luicenbarn-sama! $^*&^#!~^*$ ...and yes, Sexta Espada, you'r right. Unfortunatly.

**WorldGorgeousSparkle**: I am the most gorgeous beautiful astouning amazing wonderful great strongest super duper magical *~^#Charlotte Coolhorne$#^~*! the prettiest Arrancar on the entire world and a proud Fraccion of Barrrragan-sama!

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: ...well fuck. Another fruitcake. I hope he'll never meet Yumicihka, the last thing I need is a primadona beauty contest. Oh, and Hitsugaya-taichou, you can't threaten someone who isn't here.

**WorldGorgeousSparkle**: Hey, that's a WONDERFUL idea!

**SaberTooth**: ... And I'm SURE you win.

**KittyKing**: RIGHT xDDD

**ShiroChan**: Ichimaru IS here. He just keeps silent to mess with us.

**WorldGorgeousSparkle**: By the way, Mua dear Shinigami-tachi~! I believe I already met the man called Yumichika! And I've decieded to egknowledge his beauty and strangth!

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: ...So basically your'e the Arrancar he beat to a bloody pulp! -hey, shouldnt' you be, like, dead or something?

**SpoonQueen**: Half of us should be dead actually.

**WorldGorgeousSparkle**: And more like exhausted pulp with a very beautiful defeat! who knew that little scrawny vain Shinigami could suck my--- but HO NO! I CAn'T tell! after all, I swore to keep it a se~cre~to~! *giggles*

**KittyKing**: O__o

**SpoonQueen**: O__o

**BlindJustice**: ...

**PinkyPrincess**:...

**SaberTooth**: ...I SO need NOT to know that.

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: ...*green face* Double Ditto.

**ShiroChan**: Triple Ditto- well SHIT!

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: What?

**ShiroChan**: ... Matsumoto was standing behind me and reading the screen a second ago.

**SaberTooth**: Who's Matsumoto?

**PinkyPrincess**: Just thw woman who won the price for the first place truphy of Seireitei's quickest gossipmonger.

**SaberTooth**: ...Oh.

**ShiroChan**: Yup.

**BloodySpear**: YUP!

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: Shit. Yumichika's going to behead me!

**ShiroChan**: NOW you speak, Ichimiaru?

**BloodySpear**: Nice ta see ya too, ShiroCHAN. Byaku-Boyya~

**PinkyPrincess**: You will regret for ever having been born Ichimaru Gin if you will not change My chat-name back I shall make sure of it that you shall py. And do NOT call me by that name again.

**BloodySpear: **sure thing, Byaku-boy~

**PinkyPrincess: **I am on my way to get you, Traitor Ichimaru Gin.

**ShiroChan**: Not If I get to him first.

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: ...PinkyPrincess is KUCHIKI-TAICHOU?

**PinkyPrincess**: Madareme, I can hear you're laughter from here. You too _ABARAI RENJI_.

**BaldScreamingBALDY!**: HFdhtd5545%^476%tdedtaqwGDSR%#%%th%^5

**SpoonQueen**: The hell's got to him? -hey, How do you know BloodySpear is the freak?

**PinkyPrincess**: I take it you never saw his Shikai.

**SpoonQueen**: Fair 'nough. Is it _that_ Bloody? *Grins*

(BatAss has signed in)

(StrawberrySCARRY has signed in)

**ShiroChan**: ...I take you never saw his EYES.

**KittyKing**: No one saw his eyes, everyone's to bussy freaking out from his freakin' grin. ...BatAss and strawberrySCERRY? Seriously KUROSAKI and ULQUIORRA? XD

**ShiroChan**: ... And trust me, you don't want too.

**BloodySpear**: they're not THAT bad :(

(BladScreamingBALDY! has signed out)

**StarwberrySCARRY**: Shut it, kitty-Kat. You're DEAD-MEAT FoxFace.

**BatAss**: KittyKing? Seriously, GRIMMJOW?

**KittyKing**: ... Shut up, you!

(AizenFreakingHOIAMSOAWSOMESama has signed in)

**KittyKing**: ...

**SpoonQueen**:...

**BlindJustice**:...

**PinkyPrincess**:...

**ShiroChan**: ...

**StarwberrySCARRY**:...

**BatAss**:...

**SaberTooth**: ...

**WorldGorgeousSparkle**: ...

**AizenFreakingHOIAMSOAWSOMESama**: ...Not. A word.

**BloodySpear**: ...Now THAT one wasn't me.

(BaldScreamingBALDY has signed in)

**BaldScreamingBALDY**: Ichimaru, I remember than you and Aizen-taichou saved me, Kira, Hisagi and hinamori in the Academy from Hollows. You're eyes opened only for second but they were freaking Yellow. That's Renji speaking, but the way. Hey Kuchiki-Taichou. I was so surprised that yu figured I was there so I excidntly stambled on Ikkaku-san and he banged his head on the keybord. After trying to fix it we exsidntly dissconnected... (A\N: Well, Actully the eyes were red in the anime too but ho well...)

**StarwberrySCARRY**: AND WINNING FIRST PRICE OVER THE MOST LAMEST CHAT-NAME EVER IS---!

**SpoonQueen**: HAHAHAHAXDDD! DUDE THAT's SUCK!

**KittyKing**: OMFG THAT's SOOOO ...SOOOOO...!

**BaldScreamingBALDY**: ...? It's not THAT funny... *thinks everyonne is laughing about him*

**ShiroChan**: Wait, You said Yellow? aren't Ichimaru's eyes red? like blood? and GLOWING?

**BaldScreamingBALDY**:... *both Renji and Ikkaku*

**BatAss**: Actually they're light-blue? Like Grimmjow ridiculous hair color.

**KittyKing**: ...*too freaked out to response about his hair-comment*

**SpoonQueen**:...

**PinkyPrincess**:...

**SaberTooth**: ...

**WorldGorgeousSparkle**: ...

**StarwberrySCARRY**:...

**ShiroChan**: Tosen, you and Aizen were neer him a lot of time, right? Did you see his eyes?

**BlindJustice**: Noting BLIND

**ShiroChan**: .OH, yeah.

**AizenFreakingHOIAMSOAWSOMESama**: besides, Hitsugaya-kun. Do you realy think someone other than his former squad members would hang out with him willingly? he's scarry enough even when he's not around.

**ShiroChan**: ...Point taken.

**BloodySpear**: Ok, that was mean.

**PinkyPrincess**: You know it's truth.

**BloodySpear**: ...Yeah, yar right. *sigh* ...VERy right... *WIDE grin*

(PinkySucker has signed in)

**PinkySucker**: ... ... ...WTF?

**BaldScreamingBALDY**:... Abarai? XDDDD

(BloddySpear has signed out)

**ShiroChan**: HEY! COME BACK DAMMIT! I'm NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!

**StraeberrySCARRY**: He run away that asshole!

**KittyKing**: Just so you know Kurosaki, you'r SO not scarry.

**StrawberrySCARRY**: I know that! HE said that I was scarry! -wait, was that an insult?

(FoxyPlushy has signed in)

(ChappyPlushy has signed in)

**StrawberrySCARRY**: Rukia and...Rangiku-san?

**ChappyPlushy**: Hey, Ichigo. SCARRY? *raising eyebrow*

**PinkyPrincess**: Rukia.

**PinkySucker**: Hey, Rukia!

**ChappyPlushy**: ... ... ...? Ni-sama? RENJI?... I ...I diidn't knew you were in this kind of...err...relationsip, Congratulations?

**PinkyPrincess**: ...

**PinkySucker**: HFD^4535$yrdee

**BaldScreamingBALDY**: *Laughts madly*

**StrawberrySCARRY**: *Ditto*

**FoxyPlushy**: ... Was it Szayel? I'm SO gonna stab him to death.

**AizenFreakingHOIAMSOAWSOMESama**: ...Gin?

**FoxyPlushy**: WELL WHO ELSE?

**KittyKing**: Ichimaru? I thought ya'll like that kind of name?

**FoxyPlushy**: Just because you all assume that for some retarded reason I'm Aizen's bitch doesn't mean that i'm a freaking woman with love of stupid cute stuffed plushy things!

**_SpoomQueen_**: So ya don't love stupid cute plushy things?

**ShiroChan**: You're Aizn's bitch? *shifting eyebrow*

**FoxyPlushy**: 'f course NOT! ---Ulquiorra is his bitch. ^__^

**BatAss**: What? *glare*

**KittyKing**: HA! I knew it!

**SpoonQueen**: Neh... ---He's GrimmKitty's bitch!

**BatAss**: WHAT?

**KittyKing**: HEY! ---no wait. Your right, Nnoitora!

**StrawberrySCARRY**:...seriously? I thought you hate each other's guts!

**KittyKing**: Yeah, but hey: who am I to protest about a topper Espada than me being MY bitch? BUHAHAHA!

**StrawberrySCARRY**:.. so Ulquiorra's at the top, then. *Smirk*

**KittyKing**: BUHAHAHA-ARG! WAIT--WHAT? NO!

**BatAss**:... that's better.

**BlindJustice, FoxyPlushy, KittyKing, SpoonQueen, WorldGorgeousSparkle and SaberTooth**: SERIOUSLY?

**AizenFreakingHOIAMSOAWSOMESama**: I'm still here, you know...


End file.
